10 February 2012

As unexpected as a hymn tune in a cent-in-the-slot talking machine

I nearly missed it as I walked along this morning: a big box on the steps of one of the prettiest houses on the street.  They've been having work done so I thought it must be full of materials for whatever project they have going on inside.  And then I saw what the box said:

My arms were nearly full as I walked into my office, trying to balance Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice, Hawthorne's The Celestial Railroad, and countless other titles. One of the oddest finds was A Dictionary of Similes, printed in 1916. Needless to say I've spent an inordinate amount of time thumbing through it today, giggling to myself at the archaic references.  Here are just a few.
  • As incongruous as a blacksmith with a white silk apron
  • As placid as a soft-shell crab on a plate of parsley
  • As affable as a wet dog
  • As crazy as a woman's watch
  •  As dry as a London newspaper
  • As drunk as a boiled owl
  • As jealous as a couple of hairdressers
  • As round and pale as a pair of suet dumplings
  • As wise as her mother's apron string

No doubt by the time I get all this booty home this evening, I will be 'limping like a sore-footed soldier striding to the band'... not to mention 'tired as tombstones'.

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